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  I laugh, knowing she means it, as that is how persistent this woman is. In my freshman year of high school, she convinced me to sneak out and walk almost five miles to her house so we could have a secret slumber party. I did it only to find out it was a make out party. I got the beating of my life for that, but it was worth it to play spin-the-bottle with Michael Smith. I would have gotten away with it if he would have known how to kiss, but his braces cut my lip.

  "I'll consider it, but right now I've got to get ready for work," I say heading to the bathroom. Maddy is still sound asleep when I peek into her room and I quickly get myself dressed and gather up all her stuff for daycare. I can't believe she will be five years old next month.

  Work is tedious and I'm actually glad to have a chance to get out of the house. Picking up Maddy from daycare takes forever. Maddy wants to spend the night with her best friend but I bargain with her and promise she can have a Happy Meal for dinner, and after almost half an hour in the drive-thru line we’re on our way home.

  I pull into the driveway with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Always, there in the back if mind, is the memory of that night. We had argued and verbally fought with each other many times, but that was the first time he hit me, I thought my soul would break in two. The backhand across my face not only hurt me physically, but mentally as well. It had brought back every memory of my father and his belt. I'd cried like a baby, blubbering and sniveling into my pillow for hours on end until I'd finally fell into a sorrowful sleep. Jeff had carried me to bed, and watched over me for the remainder of the night. When I woke up, my face was sore and swollen, he had made me breakfast and acted as though nothing had happened.

  As I walk up to the front door, my heart is hammering loudly in my ears because I'm afraid. I hear giggling coming from inside and find Vanessa and Jeff snuggled close in a recliner. She's sitting there on his lap and he's got his face buried into her neck. "Maddy, go sit on Mommy’s bed, I'll be there in just a minute," I whisper. My blood begins to boil as he removes her tank top and kisses her deeply. I can feel the bile rising and I run down the hall, barely making it to the bathroom. After my nausea fades, I stare at myself in the mirror as anger takes completely over.

  Drawing in several breaths, I walk back into the living room, loudly. Vanessa jumps up, covering her exposed breasts. "I'm sorry, Jas. I don't know what I was thinking," she says.

  As she takes a step closer to me I shake my head. "Get your stuff and get out!" I hiss. Locking eyes with Jeff, I scream, "You had me fooled, you really did!" I stand there fighting the anger and tears that are now taking over. He stands there, clearly angry, but not speaking. I turn and go to our bedroom, locking the door, and grab my suitcase.

  "Mommy what's wrong?" Maddy asks, running to me. Tears are streaming down my face as I start flinging clothes into it.

  "Sweetheart, we’re leaving, okay? I need you to sit behind the bathroom door for a little while so I can get some things together. Can you do that for me?" I ask, kissing her now damp cheek. She nods and goes into the bathroom, shutting the door. Bending over to pick up some socks that had fallen, the light glints off my pendant. I grab it and rip it off, throwing into the corner.

  A knock on the door brings me back to reality, its Jeff, wanting to come in. "Jasmine, let me in so we can talk," he says.

  "I don't want to talk to you," I reply between sobs.

  "Jasmine, damn it, I'm sorry...I'm stupid," he says angrily.

  "I don't care how sorry you are, I am done. You have crossed a fucking line!" I snarl. He pounds on the door and I can hear the stream of obscenities coming from him as he kicks at the door. Maddy is whimpering from the bathroom and that makes my skin crawl. After a couple more kicks, he goes out to his truck, seething, and slams on the gas once he's in it, backing up haphazardly, knocking over the trashcans. I run down the hallway and grab my coat, phone, and some things for Maddy. I'm in the kitchen when Vanessa comes in.

  "Jas," she says. I shake my head and point to the door.

  Loading everything I can into my car, I jump in and crank it up. I go back in the house to grab the last load and Maddy. I quickly buckle her in and shift into reverse. I don't know where I'm going, I just have to go. Calling a couple of hotels on the way, my frustration turns to hurt. I’m just driving around looking for one with a vacancy, as everything replays in my head, making my chest hurt. Deep down I knew he had cheated before, but I had never caught him so I never had any hard proof.

  I drive until I can't drive anymore, and just over the Colorado state line I find a vacancy. After fifteen minutes, I gather myself and check into my room. The old ratty curtains aren't much and the faded floral bedspread looks ancient, but it's clean and I'm away from Jeff. I bring in Maddy and my suitcase, plopping it down on the bed and exhaustion takes over. I pull Maddy to me, hold her close, and we fall asleep. When I wake up, the room is dark, the only light coming from the dim hotel sign. I reach over and grab my phone, seeing I have about twenty missed calls, all of them Jeff. Maddy is still sleeping so I ease into the bathroom and look at my reflection; the streaks of black mascara running down my cheeks flip something within me. In my life, I've never felt so vulnerable and weak, even under the soul crushing blows from my father. I jump in the shower and the warm water runs down me, drowning every emotion I feel. For the first time, I'm numb. I get out and dress quickly, being careful not to wake Maddy. I crawl back in bed beside her and snuggle up to her.

  The morning sun creeps through the old worn curtains and I roll over and tuck the blanket snugly around Madison. I turn on my phone and search for flights to Florida. I haven't been home in seven years, and I hope my Aunt Suzanne’s number is still the same.

  Chapter Five: Going Home

  "Home is where the heart is."- Pliny the Elder

  Jasmine

  The four-hour flight feels all too short, and looking down over my hometown causes my thoughts to shift to Brandon. I wonder if he’s still in town or if he moved away like he had always talked about. I draw in a deep breath and hold Maddy’s hand as the plane begins to descend. My heart is pounding in my chest as we step off the plane, into the sticky humidity of west Florida. A film of sweat instantly coats my forehead and the heat takes my breath away. Aunt Suzanne meets us on the tarmac with a bright smile and the same wild curly red hair, even though silver strands are now are laced throughout it.

  "Oh Jasmine, look at you. Oh my God and a mini you," she says, pulling us into her arms. Her southern twang much stronger than I remember.

  "Aunt Suz," I reply with a smile. "Thank you for picking us up. My car will be here sometime next week."

  "No worries dear, we're family and that's what we do for each other. Oh, and your Uncle Henry got the spare room all cleaned out for ya’ll." I nod and climb into the coolness of her Cadillac. I smile remembering this car from when I was a kid. "Darling, I must address the elephant in the room. What Vanessa did was wrong, and I hope you know we don't support her behavior. She may be my daughter, but she has always done things her own way."

  "I know Aunt Suz, I know," I say softly, hurt piercing my heart once again.

  “You know you were always welcome to come stay with us. We had no idea of what your father had been doing to you, otherwise I’m certain your Uncle Henry would have.. well, how do I put this nicely?” She pauses and blows out a heavy breath. “He would have had a come to Jesus meeting with your father.” Uncle Henry was always so stoic I couldn’t image him, even for a moment, showing anger. Aunt Suz laughs, like she could read my mind. “I know what you are thinking but yes he can be gruff and intimidating when necessary.” I nod and stare out the window as we turn down that familiar red clay road.

  The old house is much the same, with its pristine white picket fence and pale blue shutters that frame the windows lined with colorful, fragrant flowers. I notice as I walk inside that the house, like it always had, still smells like blueberries and whiskey.

  "You really should go see your Mama. She�
��s been all alone since your daddy died,” Uncle Henry says as he gives me a hug hello.

  "What? When did he die?" I ask, shock in my voice.

  "About three years ago. After a night of binge drinking, he was driving down by the river and lost control of his truck. They say he flipped at least eight times before landing in the river." I look over at Maddy, a lump forming in my throat.

  "Maddy, go clean up, okay?" She nods and skips off to the bathroom. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" I whisper.

  "Well, darling we thought we had. Jeff answered your phone and said he'd let you know. When you didn't show up for the funeral we just figured you couldn't ever forgive him for what he put you through." I swallow hard. I’d never thought it would stir my emotions the way it is. As tears roll down my cheeks, I quickly wipe then away before Maddy comes back.

  "Mommy, look how clean my hands are and they smell so good. Like strawberries!" I smile and pull her in for a hug.

  ~~~~~

  "Aunt Suz?" I ask after sitting down to breakfast.

  "Yeah?"

  "Would you mind watching Maddy today so I can go look for a job?"

  "Certainly, I wouldn't mind at all. Isn't that right Miss Maddy?"

  Maddy smiles a huge grin and runs over to Aunt Suz, wrapping her arms around her waist.

  "Aunt Suz says she's going to bake a cake today."

  I smile and roll my eyes, "Aunt Suz, you haven't changed a bit.”

  She laughs and pats Maddy lightly on the head. "Go finish your breakfast, my little love."

  "Oh, and is it possible for me to use your car?"

  "Of course."

  I'm sitting at the table perusing the want ads when one jumps out at me. The hospital in town is looking for an experienced department secretary. "I think this one has potential!” I say excitedly waving the paper around. Aunt Suz smiles as I pass her, running to get dressed.

  My nerves are thumping as I walk into the hospital to fill out the application. After twenty minutes and passing the developmental test, I walk out with an interview for tomorrow morning. I'm thrilled as I leave the hospital, but I can't stop thinking about what my uncle had said. Drawing in a deep breath, I make that ever familiar turn. Slowly letting off the accelerator, I turn down that old washboard driveway.

  As the old run down trailer comes into view, I feel my insides buzzing with anticipation, but noticing that my fathers’ rusty old truck is parked out front makes bile rise. I put the car in park and step out onto the uneven ground. I watch as an aging face passes the window. Her graying hair is pulled back into a messy bun and there are circles under her eyes, deep and dark, but her eyes are still the same bright blue.

  Making my way up rotting steps, the door creeps open, and my mother steps out, a butcher knife in hand.

  "Mom, it's me," I say holding my hands up in front of me.

  "Jasmine?” she asks as she looks at me and suddenly throws the knife into the grass, flinging her arms around me. She sobs into my shoulder and I hold her tightly.

  "Mom, I'm sorry I left," I say fighting the tears in my eyes.

  "No, don't be sorry, everything your father and I put you through..." she says, her eyes looking me over. "When he died I was almost, for lack of a better word, relieved. When I didn't see you at his funeral I figured that you would never be able to forgive us. We were wrong, I know that now."

  "It's in the past, I’ve forgiven you, but I can't forget. I didn’t even know that he had passed until I got here. Uncle Henry told me." She nods, clinging to me.

  The fragility of the once strong, vivid woman in front of me breaks my heart. "I haven't had even a sip of alcohol since you left," she says taking my face in her hands.

  I give her a weak smile, trying not to let the pools of tears, that now fill my eyes, fall.

  "Won't you come in? I'll make you some breakfast," she says turning to go inside.

  "I can't, I have to get back to Madison, but I had to see you."

  She nods. "Will you bring her to see me someday? Suzanne says she looks just like you."

  "I sure will," I reply fighting the tears.

  Walking away from my mother, seeing her standing there with tears in her eyes, is oddly comforting. Turning the car around, I look back one last time, promising myself I'd come back to see her soon.

  Pulling into the driveway, Maddy comes running out to me, immediately noticing my puffy eyes. "Mommy, are you okay, why you crying?"

  "I'm fine sweetie, I just stopped by and saw your Grandma."

  She smiles, "Can I go see her one day?"

  "Sure can, but I have some great news! I have an interview in the morning."

  "What's that? What's an innerview?” she asks her eyes wide.

  "It's when they sit you down and ask you a lot of questions."

  "Oh so it’s like a test, like Miss Mary gave me at preschool?"

  "Yes baby. That sounds about right. Now, let’s get inside so we can tell them the good news." She grabs my hand, practically dragging me inside.

  "So how did it go?" Aunt Suz asks when she sees us.

  "Mommy got an innerview at the hospital!" Maddy blurts out before I can say anything.

  "Oh, you mean an interview. That word has a ‘t’ in it."

  Maddy just giggles, "Interview."

  "That's right baby doll," Aunt Suz exclaims handing Maddy a piece of candy. "Maddy can you go into the living room and play for a minute? Mommy and Aunt Suz need to have a grown up conversation." Maddy nods and skips off into the living room. "Jasmine, your mama called right before you got here and she really wants to see the little one."

  "I know she does. I told her I'd bring Maddy over one day."

  "Well I hope you don't mind that I invited her over for dinner Saturday."

  "Of course not," I reply with a smile.

  "Very good dear, now shoo. I've got to get dinner going." I smile and hug her before heading to our room to pick out what I'm going to wear tomorrow.

  ~~~~~

  The smell of pancakes permeating through the house wakes me up and I look over noticing Maddy is gone. I begin to panic for a moment but then I hear her giggling. Getting up and throwing on my housecoat, I make my way into the kitchen. "Good morning sleeping beauty," Uncle Henry says with a chuckle.

  "What time is it anyway?" I ask, yawning loudly.

  "It's six-thirty. We're early risers around here." I nod and take a seat at the table.

  "What time is your interview, dear?" Aunt Suz asks, piling way too many pancakes on my plate.

  "Nine o'clock." My nerves are jumping as the minutes tick by. I really need this job so I can get Maddy and I our own place.

  ~~~~~

  The drive to the hospital feels like it never going to end. Once I arrive, I race down the long corridor to the personnel office, and my heart is about to jump out of my chest. My hand slips when I turn the doorknob and I giggle, relaxing a little. I compose myself before stepping into the office. A slender woman with thick blonde hair and deep blue eyes looks up at me and smiles, "You must be Jasmine."

  "Yes ma'am."

  "Have a seat and Shelly will be with you shortly." I nod and take a seat in the small waiting area. My phone vibrates in my pocket and it’s from Aunt Suz, it’s a picture of Maddy holding a sigh with "Good Luck Mommy!" written on it and I can't help but smile. A petite woman with chestnut colored hair comes around the corner and I immediately recognize her. "I thought that name was familiar," she says shaking my hand. "Well, come on, let’s do this." I smile and follow her into her office.

  After about an hour, I emerge filled with excitement. I hurry home to tell everyone my good news.

  Maddy and Aunt Suz are on the front porch with snacks and sweet tea when I get back. "You got it, didn't you?" Aunt Suz asks.

  "Yes! Happy dance," Maddy giggles and jumps up, joining me in my ridiculous dancing. "I start Monday. Aunt Suz, would you be able to babysit until I can get her in daycare? After school starts it will be much easier."

  "Oh
you don't even have to ask, you know that."

  Brandon

  My phone rings as I walk into the hospital.

  "Mr. Whitaker?"

  "Yes, this is Brandon Whitaker."

  "Well, we have some good news for you, your apartment is ready. Come by as soon as possible for your keys."

  This is bittersweet. I've really enjoyed being back with my parents, but Carlie wants more privacy.

  "Thank you so much for calling me, I'll have Miss Santos come by about lunch time." I hang up and immediately call Carlie. The excitement in her voice is contagious. I'm smiling as I make it to the ER.

  "Hey, Brandon, you ready for this madness?" Dr. Iverson asks with exhaustion in his voice.

  I just nod. My time in the Navy makes this place seem like paradise. I grab my gear and prepare for my rounds with Dr. Parker. She's a bit hard to deal with, but she knows her shit. I find her and prepare for the busy day ahead.

  ~~~~~

  The last few months have flown by as we finally begin to get settled into our new apartment. It's weird, I admit, coming home to an empty apartment. You would think after almost six months we would already have it all done up, but Carlie has been working late and I've been pulling extra shifts at the hospital to build my savings back up to what it was before all of the moving expenses. Our time together has gotten strained and I'm doing all I can to hold us together. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV, flipping channels until something catches my eye. Glancing at the clock I notice it's nine, so I shoot Carlie a text to make sure she's ok.

  Twenty minutes later I hear her car in the driveway. I lay back and close my eyes as I hear her fumbling with the door lock. I immediately smell the stench of cigarettes and booze as she stumbles in. She attempts to tiptoe around the couch but her purse smacks the wall loudly. I lay there acting like I'm asleep but I’m intently listening. She sets her phone down on the table and makes her way to the bedroom.