All of ME Read online




  All of Me

  All of Me

  A NOVEL

  SABRINA ARCHER

  All of Me

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, are coincidental.

  Copyright © 2017 Sabrina Archer All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the author or publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use the material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the author at sarcher1279@ gmail.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  Editing provided by Melissa Cameron with Cameron Editing Services. Cover design provided by Cassy Roop with Pink Ink Designs.

  DEDICATION

  This book is dedicated to my children, Brianna, Suzanne, Savanna, and Riley. You are the reason I pursued this dream in hopes of encouraging you to follow your own.

  I love you so very much.

  Table of Contents

  Life Isn't Fair

  There Is Hope

  If Only

  Unexpected Circumstances

  Going Home

  Second Chances

  Tragedy Strikes

  Rekindled Fire

  Overcoming Doubt

  If I Fall

  Finding Us

  Prologue

  Love is something to never take for granted; it can cause you a lifetime of heartache if the timing is off. Never close your eyes without telling someone you love how you truly feel, because you could wake up to find them gone.

  Brandon

  I have loved Jasmine for as long as I can remember. From her little pink sandals, to the bright green sundress she was wearing the first day I met her on the playground when we were five, I knew I loved her, and I really did treat her badly, but that's what all the other little boys did.

  She would run away crying and I never really understood why. I always felt bad but no one ever told me differently. She'd look at me with such sadness in her big brown eyes that I would feel shame. I didn't understand that emotion at the time, but now I'm grateful that she could forgive me.

  Over the next few years, our friendship bloomed. She was my neighbor, my best friend, and the only person I loved. We hung out at my house after school and had the same interests. My home environment was much better than hers; one filled with hopes and dreams.

  My parents cared, and I believe deep down they knew what happened at her house. How could they not? Her parents were never really there, physically yes, but as caregivers, not so much. She had learned to take care of herself when her mom turned to alcohol after the death of her brother.

  Mr. Grayson, her dad, began to change too, staying out all night and coming home in a drunken rage. They fought all the time and I found myself in the crossfire several times trying to protect her.

  As I grew older and understood what was happening, I would hide her in my room after she would sneak over to my house, climbing in through my window. She quickly learned never to be a nuisance because that often involved a belt or a fist.

  Jasmine had become my world, my strength, and the very keeper of my heart, she just didn't know it.

  Chapter One: Life Isn't Fair

  “Life isn't fair; it's just fairer than death, that's all.” ― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

  Brandon

  "Brandon!!" I hear a sweet voice yelling from the opposite end of the hallway and this vibrant girl with thick brown hair and big brown eyes is rushing towards me full of excitement. "Brandon," she says as she reaches me, "I did it!" I slam my locker and look at her. I smile and ask, "What did you do?"

  "I made the team!" she says throwing her arms around my neck. I hug her and breathe in the sweet perfume she has started wearing.

  "What?" I ask, trying to remember which one had she recently tried out for.

  "I made the team," she says again, slowly annunciating each word.

  "I'm sorry, but which one this time?"

  She stares at me and shakes her head with a smirk. "You're such a nerd," she says reaching up to adjust my glasses. "Basketball, I made the basketball team." I nod and try to focus on her smile, but the smell of her perfume is distracting me.

  "That's great," I reply, drawing in my breath and watching her eyes sparkle. She's practically buzzing with excitement. "When did you find out?"

  "About two seconds before I found you," she says.

  "Jasmine, I am so proud of you, congratulations!" I say, pulling her in for another hug. I just stand there frozen in the moment, as she draws in a deep breath.

  "We better get to class," she says pulling away from my embrace, a sweet blush covering her cheeks. I nod and we turn to go to our next class.

  Mrs. Griffin is watching us over the top of her horn-rimmed glasses when we walk in. Her hard look softens when Jasmine smiles at her. "Glad you two have decided to grace us with your presence, Mr. Whitaker and Miss Grayson, now please take your seats, "she says sternly.

  We quickly make our way to the back of the classroom and join Taryn, Ellen-Marie, Haylee, and Emma at our table. They all giggle and whisper amongst themselves as Mrs. Griffin begins class. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I already know who it is. I keep my eyes forward as I slip the phone from the pocket of my jeans.

  Jasmine: #12

  Brandon: ???

  Jasmine: My number is 12, silly.

  Brandon: Ohhh...cool...

  Jasmine: Really? That's all you have to say?

  Brandon: I already told you how proud I am of you, nerd.

  Jasmine: Nerd? You're the nerd.

  Brandon: We'll talk after class. Mrs. G is seriously glaring at us.

  Jasmine: Fine.

  I look up from my phone to see Mrs. Griffin standing in front of me with her hands on her hips.

  "Mr. Whitaker, would you care to share your conversation with the rest of the class?"

  "No ma'am," I reply, sliding down in my seat while the guys at my table look away.

  "I suggest you put your phone away or I will make you read it out loud to all of us."

  "Yes ma'am," I say turning off my phone and slipping it into the pocket of my cargo pants.

  She walks back to her desk and I look over at Jasmine, who is stifling a fit of laughter. “You’re in so much trouble," I mouth to her. She shakes her head and looks straight forward, avoiding eye contact.

  I would never forget the sound of her laughter and how she would bite her bottom lip to try and hide her smile.

  Our days of spending every waking hour together were soon cut short. Basketball became her escape and her teammates took my place. I was happy she had found that comfort, but my heart ached for what we had built over the years. By senior year, we were barely acquaintances, and deep down I knew it wasn't her fault she had outgrown me, but it still hurt. After graduation, she ran off with a guy she had been seeing and completely shattered my heart.

  Jasmine

  "Jassy, Jassy," Caleb calls, running through the knee-high grass towards me excitedly.

  "What is it?" I ask as he reaches me, opening his hands showing me the butterfly he caught.

  "Jassy, it's for you," he says smiling brightly.

  "Thank you so much, Caleb. It's so pretty, but we have to let it go, if we don't, it will probably die." His little face drops and tears fill his eyes. "Oh, Caleb, don't cry," I reply, pulling him into me. His little arms wrap around me, looks up at me and smiles as he lets the butterfly go and it flies off into towards the sky.

&nb
sp; "Jassy," he says between sobs.

  "Yeah," I answer back.

  "Am I going to die?"

  I fight the lump in my throat. "No, Bubba, you're not going to die,” and I hold him tightly, knowing I may have just told him a lie. Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath and listen to him breathe. When I open my eyes, we are no longer outside. The sterile white walls and hum of the machines bring me to tears. Looking to my left, I see Caleb lying there in the hospital bed. His little face is swollen and his eyelids are a pale hue of purple.

  He opens his eyes and smiles, "Jassy." Walking over slowly, trying to contain my emotions, I take his little hand and smile back.

  "I love you, Caleb."

  "Ditto," he says, his voice weak.

  Sitting down on the bed beside him, I hold him and he rests his head on my shoulder. I close my eyes again, feeling the tears escape.

  I open my eyes again and this time I'm caught in a sea of black. My mother and father are in front of me, looking down at the child size coffin. I look around, recognizing family I haven't seen in years. Each person here has tears in their eyes and a somber look on their face. Suddenly, the sky opens up and a cleansing rain begins to fall. Walking up and standing beside my mother, I look down at the floral arrangement atop his tiny coffin. Taking a closer look, I see a butterfly, the very one he let go. A sob rips through my chest reminding me of that day. ‘No, Bubba, you're not going to die,’ echoes through my mind.

  In an instant, my eyes slide open, wet from the tears. Glancing over at the clock I see it's a quarter after five. I wipe my eyes and slowly sit up in bed, all the memories flashing through my mind. Saturdays always get me. My mother has me up by six o'clock to do chores and catch up on laundry.

  Stretching, I get out of bed and head to the shower. Getting out, I hear my dads' truck leaving and I shiver. He's headed to the liquor store, his typical weekend routine. Quickly, I get dressed and blow-dry my hair. I'm standing in front of the mirror looking at the ensemble I have chosen, a pair of blue jeans, my favorite red top, and my ballet flats.

  After I get all of the chores done and the laundry finished and put away, I hear my mother yell from the kitchen, "Jasmine! That damn boy is here again!"

  My heart thumps in my chest as I put on my lip gloss and smile at my reflection in the mirror. I grab my coat and purse as I rush out of my bedroom, practically slamming the door behind me.

  "I told you girl, you need to stay away from him," she slurs as I pass her to go out the front door. Rolling my eyes as I make my way down the steps, I'm anxious to get away from her and the sorrow she carries.

  "What was that all about?” he asks, as I practically jump into his arms.

  "She's blitzed, as usual," I reply, looking back at my mess of a mother standing on the steps in front of our rundown mobile home, watching me. The hard look on her face tells me I'm in a world of trouble when I get home. Hopping into the passenger side of Jeff's truck, I tear my eyes off her. I know what I have to do. As Jeff's truck barrels down the dusty dirt road towards town, I look back once more and I swear I see tears sliding down her cheeks.

  Chapter Two: There Is Hope

  “Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.” -Lin Yutang

  Ten o'clock comes all too soon. As we leave the parking lot of "The Moon", dread begins to fill me. I'm certain my father will be dragging in soon and all hell will break loose. That final left turn onto the road I live on makes me shudder.

  "Stop the truck," I say my voice barely above a whisper.

  Jeff looks over at me and hits the breaks. "What?” he asks.

  "Did you mean what you said? Remember that night, by the river a couple weeks ago?"

  "I meant every word," he says, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Jasmine, I love you, you know that. The last eight months have been amazing and you know I can, and will take care of you."

  I nod and draw in a deep breath. "Well, I guess I better get home and pack my things," I say, pausing to wait for him to react. He smiles, leans over, and kisses my forehead lightly.

  "Jasmine, I think we should wait until after you graduate. I mean, you only have a couple of weeks left." I look at him through my tear-filled eyes, unable to speak. "I know that look, but seriously, think about it. There will be no worries about getting you to school every day and you'll be eighteen. The last thing I need is them accusing me of kidnapping you. Think of all the trouble we would have if you ran away tonight."

  Staring down at my hands I nod lightly. "I understand what you are saying and I can wait, even though I never want to see that look in my father’s eyes again.”

  Jeff pulls me to him again, softly running his hand down my cheek. "We better get you home." I sigh and dry my tears as he puts the truck into drive.

  As he turns into my driveway, I see my father sitting on the steps, beer in hand. Pausing as I get out of the truck, I look over at Jeff and he nods lightly. The walk up to the house feels surreal. My father looks up at me; the outside lights illuminating his blood shot eyes and the anger in his scowl. "You little whore," he snarls as he stands up. Freezing where I stand, I look back at the tail lights fading into the darkness. I brace myself for what's coming as he undoes his belt. I know what's coming; it’s become a part of my life, a part I struggle to keep hidden.

  Afterwards, I stand in the bathroom looking in the mirror at the red streaks crisscrossing my back. My tear stained cheeks are burning from the slaps at the hands of my mother. Turning on the shower, the tears continue to fall. I step in and the warm water makes me wince under the pressure. Deep down, I know I'm making the right decision. After I finish my shower, I stand there allowing the cool air to encompass me and soothe the pain. I dress quietly and creep down the hallway to my bedroom. Shutting the door softly, I close my eyes. My heart is hammering in my chest as I begin to fill my suitcase; grabbing everything I can and cramming my whole life into a suitcase and a backpack. I rummage through a shoebox in the bottom of my closet and find the pictures of Caleb, along with a family portrait of us, from when times were good. Staring down at the perfect little boy with a bright smile and bright blue eyes, I smile. He would be sixteen this year. Forcing myself to look away, I quickly tuck these precious memories into my book bag.

  I pack everything I can without it looking obvious, and then find an empty space towards the back of my closet. I sit on my bed and cry until my tears run dry. I lie down on my bed and grab my phone. The screen lights up with another text from Brandon telling me how worried he is about me. I mark all of them as unread and power off my phone. The dim light filtering through the old, ratty curtains create a sense of peace as I finally drift off to sleep.

  A little before dawn, I wake up to my dad stumbling down the hallway towards my room. I close my eyes tight and breathe deeply as my door flings open. After a few moments, he shuts the door and I pop my eyes open. The tender skin on my back rubs against the fabric of my nightgown as I sit up. I carefully change into a t-shirt and jeans and creep quietly down the hallway to the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror startles me, my eyes are still red and puffy, and a faint handprint is outlined across my cheek. After going downstairs, I grab some orange juice from the fridge, guzzle it down and dash back to my bedroom, grabbing my phone. I power it on and place it in my back pocket as I reach the front door. My dad is gone and my mom is sitting outside smoking a cigarette. The creak from the old screen door makes her jump as I open it. "Damn, girl. A warning would have been nice," she hisses, taking another drag. She looks up at me with an indescribable pain in her eyes.

  "Mom, I'm going for a walk," I say, slowly making my way down the steps.

  "You're going to the cemetery, aren't you?” her voice dry and venomous.

  "Yes," I reply, fighting the lump forming in my throat.

  Brandon

  Graduation is a masterpiece of organized chaos. The crowded gym makes it impossible to see anything and the feedbac
k from the speakers is amplified by the small enclosed space. When they call my name, I scan the crowd for Jasmine. She isn't even aware of my eyes on her. When they call her name, I watch intently and clap along with the crowd and smile, even though my heart is breaking. My family finds me quickly afterwards, and I can't even find it in my heart to be happy.

  "Son, I know it’s hard and it hurts, but they say if you love them, set them free."

  I nod, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Dad, for the past few months Jasmine has become increasingly distant and I can't stand it. We have been close since we were five. When I try to call or text her, I get nothing. Jeff is monopolizing all of her time. The pain in my heart is crushing and I just can't anymore."

  My dad pats me on the shoulder and pulls me in for a hug. I see the understanding in his eyes. "Are you coming straight home or are you going to this ‘after party’ I keep hearing about,” he asks.

  "Josh and I plan on going to the party." He nods and smiles before walking away. I pull out my phone and scroll through to find her name. The picture beside her name tears me up inside. It's one of us on the first day of school. Her bright smile reaches all the way to her eyes. Closing my eyes, I hit delete and my heart disappears with her name. Standing there frozen in the middle of the gym, I’m brought out of my daze by a familiar laugh. Watching as she walks by me, without so much as a glance, I wonder how my heart is still beating.

  I find Josh and we head out to Shelly’s house for the after party. The dim lights and flashing strobes make it easy to lose myself. That is until I see her walk in with Jeff. Jeff Callahan, a douchebag jock who graduated a few years ago. Anger fills me and I can't stay. I find Josh, tell him I'm leaving, and duck out the back door. I get in my car and drive, thinking about the past thirteen years. I try to distract myself but those bright brown eyes are still etched into my mind. After all the tears, all the laughter and secrets, she has moved on, but I can't. I will always love her, but I have to do everything I can to leave all those memories behind. I pull off onto the side of the road about twenty miles out of town and lie on the hood of my car, staring up at the stars. Searching intently for the stars we picked out and named a few years ago brings the bitter sting of tears to my eyes.